Wednesday, 14 October 2009

Day One: A Bit Of Background

My name's Dave Im 42 and in a mess, here's some background. I currently live in Cornwall with my parents and 13 year old son I have been married twice and am separated from my second wife, so I dont have to go through it all here's the text she sent me this morning:

"And I hate being bipolar. You are better than most neuro typs, we just f**ked up It just got to the point that cant go back. I was so unhappy and not living a life. Im fully aware that's it was my fault, u should have stayed clear of me. Maybe one day we can talk about it but just remember it was my fault. Please dont text back."

I didn't but I also haven't deleted the text like every search of "how to get over someone" reveals when you google it, that and letters and photos (Ive just moved the photos to a folder I cant see on my PC.) Its been a month since we separated and this is my moving on process, pretty much tried all the others so here goes:
I have Aspergers Syndrome, its an Autistic Spectrum Disorder (although I find the term disorder offensive) for future reference I'll refer to anyone with Aspergers as an Aspie, a common term now. Everyone else who doesn't have Aspergers become NTs - Neurotypical, again offensive term but 'normal people' - I struggle with that bit as I find many of your habits very strange. You'll work out mine as the days unfold. Obviously there are common traits for Aspergers Syndrome but like NTs each Aspie is different and we all have different levels of each trait. The main things that affect my life are

Routine - I like to know what, where and how about almost everything in my day, I don't appreciate change it unsettles and unnerves me (and I am still struggling a month later not living in my home, its just not the same) Time also is a player in this, same time doing stuff is a pain but again if I want it safe/easy I try and stick to it

People - Ahh yes this is a big one. Aspergers is a communication disorder. I'm not great at speaking with people, dont really like it and thus have no friends really, I like having selected people around me , I do find comfort in it but also don't really enjoy conversations unless its about something I'm interested in, in general we Aspies don't do small talk. I am trained to do hello but stumble very soon after that. NEVER leave me in a room with one other person.

Eye Contact - No, no, no no ! I hate it, it feels like you are looking into my soul (and you're not allowed there.) It burns. I did do eye contact with my ex and also my step grand daughter (yes I am only 42.) If I ever feel able to see my ex again it will be interesting to see if I can do eye contact.

The last bit i'll do about background for the moment is a small but important fact so that you get a bit more of the picture. As much as 90% of communication is non verbal, again most Aspies including me have real problems reading non verbal communication - facial expressions to body language - see how much of the picture were missing.

That's the background taken care of for the moment, I'll have to nip back and forth now and then for reference but as mentioned it'll all unfold soon. Tomorrow day two.