Saturday, 31 October 2009

Day 18: Inbetween Days

I do need to get back to my running really soon. I still have my cold but its not bad enough to stop me running. I'm doing my other exercises but its not the same as my run. I think running makes me focus on thoughts that I usually push away. It also gives me the ability to loose myself in the huge physical effort it is to get this lump of me up a steep hill, even if only at a speed slightly faster than walking.
I feel really odd today, I was grumpy yesterday because of my cold. I feel a bit empty now. I have to work today and tomorrow. I could have finished without having to work the weekend but I wanted to spend some time with Jake during the week. I don't mind working on a Saturday, I wont work all day. It will also give Jake the opportunity to play on his Xbox.
I have had little peaks at the past lately, I don't normally allow myself to do this. It wasn't a self pitying yearn to look back, I was just curious. I wanted to look back at ex and see if I felt a rush of love an emotion come back. I didn't, but maybe my minds firewall is set so secure that I didn't allow it to. I don't know, I just don't know but I probably don't need to.
I'm hoping as the day progresses that Jake wont be in teenage mode again. He's normally such a bright enthusiastic person, I think hormones are kicking in. I've dealt with the other children doing the teenage thing. My daughter was a total nightmare, I've had my share of children screaming and smashing the place up, but I don't think Jake will go down that route. I hope we stay close, he's the most important person in my life right now.