Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Day 22: My Home Town

Woke up this morning and decided it's time to pull my head out from the sand. We now have the official go ahead on the move and it looks like I'll be relocating the weekend of November 14th. My Step Daughter is moving in to the new house this Saturday. I have a bunch of work to organise before then and I may end up asking my boss if she will allocate some of my work to other people, I may be offline till my Internet is sorted out up there. There's a scary thought, offline ! I've got bigger scarier thoughts to think about so I'll leave that one. Not looking forward to the conversation I need to have with Jake's school. I'm sure they are going to be very disapproving of me moving him after 2 months. He wants to move, like me he doesn't feel right in Cornwall. That's nothing against the Cornish people, they've come across as warm and friendly, it's just not for us. I used to be such a country person, I hated towns, but now I need a town.
I have realised that as well as not looking back on things and asking 'why?' I also need not to look too far ahead either. I was so used to everything being the same day after day that I didn't believe the "you never know what's round the corner" mantra. I do now. Even though my Aspie brain needs routine and a degree of sameness, I'm allowing myself to be a little bit excited about this new life. That's the thing, by not looking too far forward I don't have to think about too much, I'm giving myself the opportunity to get comfortable with the changes bit by bit. I've tried the throwing yourself in the deep end approach and I just end up drowning.
I would like to look at how I'm feeling about the split. Ex pops into my head still but it's not the unmanageable pain that I felt before. It's worked not hearing from or about her, I hope Step Daughter understands this. I don't think I'm ready yet to look back at things, if I do I'll try and diagnose and that's not going to help. I think as long as I'm feeling positive I'll avoid that.