Saturday, 24 October 2009

Day 11: Happy Talk

It's Saturday morning, the weekend is here. I'm feeling a bit uncertain this morning. It's that structure problem again. I've only just realised I could plan what I'm going to do on a Saturday a few days before, then I wouldn't have this problem. I think I get so involved in trying to get through each day at the moment that I loose the ability to think about planning simple mundane things.
I thought I would try the cheerful approach this morning, not too easy when you've got a fuzzy beer head from the night before, not a hangover, just fuzzy. I guess it worked, it freaked Jake out! He decided he would try 'cheerful' too. At breakfast we stuck our tongues out at each other when my parents weren't looking. I, in my usual inappropriate way took things a step to far and made rude hand gestures at Jake, he liked it and struggled to contain his laughter in front of my parents. I do have a problem with being inappropriate sometimes, I've got into trouble in my past over this, nothing serious don't' get me wrong, but I have shocked people. I do have periods when I'm walking round the supermarket and I struggle to hold swear words in. It's not an anger thing at all, it's wanting to be inappropriate, I actually want to be inappropriate sometimes. Other times I just can't help it.
Five days until may parents fly off on holiday. I've promised Jake we can behave like animals when they've gone. Well, maybe not like animals but we can be ourselves, not feel like we have to be on best behaviour, just relax.
I've called this blog 'Happy Talk.' There's been something in my head since my enforced change of circumstances that's said I'm not allowed to be happy. It's not right, you can't be, it's not allowed. I'm going to focus on that in the next few days. That's really why I've made no mention of other things today, let's leave it that way.