Friday, 30 October 2009

Day 17: Uncertain Smile

Woke up early again, this time with a horrible cold. Running was the last thing on my mind. I wasn't in the best of moods when I came down stairs. I find colds are really inconvenient, I have a set number of days now where I'm going to feel like death warmed up, this wasn't in my plans and it messes things up. Its the last Friday of the month which means pay day. I have a lot of work to do still and my deadline for this lot is Monday. I need to spend a certain amount of time running between banks this morning shifting money around, nothing glamorous believe me just a necessity to keep various creditors happy.
My Step Daughter (my soon to be house mate,) called this morning. I'm impatient (as Jake has found out this morning,) when I'm not feeling well. I didn't really want to talk, especially about interior design and what will fit where in the new house. I behaved and listened well, I'm sure I made all the right noises as well but it was a huge relief when she decided it was time to go. I never want to be rude to people when I'm not interested in talking to them but I'm told it is generally obvious when I'm not interested. My Step Daughter will also call just because shes bored or waiting for a train. It's hard to understand why someone would just do that really. Calling someone without a preplanned question or agenda.
I'm still not quite ready to look into next month and all the changes yet. I know I'm going to have to, because in two days it's going to be here, but I'm holding onto the sameness I have at the moment because it feels safe. I'm also finding I have more happiness in my days now too. Less reflection. If I could just look ahead with less uncertainty I could smile a bit more.
I have decided I would like to ask ex for a divorce.