Sunday, 8 November 2009

Day 26: Sweet Disposition

I decided to blog at the other end of the day today. This morning was great I managed to sleep in. Sleep no longer seems to be an enemy, no longer an instrument of torture. Ex has appeared a few times but it doesn't cause the searing pain that it used to when I woke up, it doesn't spread a blanket of misery across the day like before. I had been in a hurry to move on but I now realise you can't hurry something like that, it has to happen gradually. When I split from my first wife I was desperate to get back into a relationship, very much like I was at the beginning of this split. I seem to be learning to be happy without wanting or needing another partner. I'm not sure I want to have someone who takes over my entire existence, I think I want to find out more about myself first. I hope I'm not setting myself up for a huge fall, I really believe I'm getting stronger. I no longer see being on my own as a terrible thing, that way whatever happens I will be OK.
The weather was nice this morning, cold and bright. Jake and I took the opportunity to have a drive round North Cornwall. This is our last Sunday here, strangely I will have a bit of nostalgia for Cornwall. Although it's only been a few months, it's been memorable (a lot of it for the wrong reasons.) Jake was happy because I had Radio 1 playing. Sunday morning is about the only time I can tolerate that station. We stopped at one small town and had a momentously small walk, neither of us could be bothered really. I think Jake was hoping we'd have lunch out, in fact I even remember him saying "It's nice to have lunch out isn't it?" He's so subtle, especially as he followed it with "Oh, I know we aren't going to." It was getting late so I did give in and buy him a cheese and onion pasty. He ate it in the car, the pasty was hot and smelt so good, I did want one but resisted and had Ryvita when I came home instead.