Monday, 2 November 2009

Day 20: Strong

Back to my running this morning, it hurt but I felt better for it. I expected the run to be impossible, three days off and I didn't think I'd make it. I think it's the feeling of doing something that is structured on a daily basis, it brings some kind of normality to a day that still doesn't feel normal. It's difficult to get my head round what will be 'normal' again. It's been over two months since my life changed dramatically and I am still struggling to come to terms that things will never be the same again. I hope I'm strong enough to understand that even if the option was there I shouldn't go back. I've written 'shouldn't' rather than wouldn't because if I'm being honest I just don't know. It's all irrelevant anyway because that's not an option.
Jake's gone back to school this morning. He was cheerful and chatty before he left. I did my best to do the same but I don't think he expects much from me first thing. I've got a whole day to fill ahead until he comes back and I think I've stretched my work enough to fill it. I've not made a big enough effort with my diet lately, I've not gone back to eating more than I should, but I'm not dieting as such which I intend to sort out today. I'm also drinking too much.
I'm going to go out at lunch time and do some people watching. I'm normally so absorbed in the different environmental stimuli that I face when going out that I often forget to open my eyes to whats around me. People are interesting to watch. I didn't use to understand why older people sit in a chair by their windows and just watch, I think I get it now.